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How Childhood Bullying Influenced How I Treat Others as an Adult

“For me, that strong back is grounded confidence and boundaries. The soft front is staying vulnerable and curious. The mark of a wild heart is living out these paradoxes in our lives and not giving into the either/or BS that reduces us. It’s showing up in our vulnerability and our courage, and, above all else, being both fierce and kind.” ~ Brené Brown Many people have experienced bullying in their lives and have possibly been a bully by association without realizing it at the time. While the type of bullying may differ, the emotions are often the same. Bullying is never okay, and the layered pain that bullies usually possess drives how they treat others. For me anxiety, shame, and a lack of understanding has always been present. On a regular basis, I experience pings of past bullying in my head reminiscent of the notifications that pop up on my phone. When I reflect on my teen years, it’s the cringe-worthy moments that are the headliners. These negative experiences can s...

The Big Impact We Don’t Realize We Make Every Day

“Don’t underestimate the impact your words, actions, and energy have on people. A small act can impact others in bigger ways than you’ll ever know.” ~Kat Quach One thing we all share is the desire to leave a legacy behind. The desire to show that our life was worth something, that we achieved something, that we were important in some way. We tend to focus on big achievements and the pursuit of activities that will leave something tangible behind. A charitable contribution, financial assistance for future generations, artwork, statues, monuments, even gravestones. But what if our impact can be felt in a way that is far more simplistic but just as important? Many years ago, I experienced a fairly serious episode of depression. I’d just turned thirty, and my life hadn’t turned out remotely close to how I thought it would. I wasn’t happy with my job, I was reeling from a series of bereavements , and my marriage had ended a couple of years before. I felt like a failure. I had been burn...

How I Used Self-Help to Justify a Toxic Relationship and What I Now Know

“You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.” ~Ayn Rand The first person who introduced me to personal development was my ex. He once said, “It’s like you’re already doing some of these things.” What a compliment, right? Being a high-level person on the path of constant evolution, self-revolution, always changing and growing. Who wouldn’t want to be that? Beyond the compliments, I also felt a kinship with many personal growth concepts because they reminded me of some aspects of psychology and philosophy. If I could watch Seligman’s TED talk about positive psychology, why couldn’t I listen to a Tony Robbins lecture? It didn’t seem like a huge gap. The books filled my thoughts with wisdom and magic. The audios filled my grocery store trips and bus journeys with fiery motivation. In so many personal development gurus, I felt I had real friends who truly understood me. Self-help, and my ex for that matter, caught me at a sensitive time in my lif...

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